Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
