Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Bring me that man meat
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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