I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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