I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
