I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
