I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
