They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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