i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
