You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
