If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
