i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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