what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
