somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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