I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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