feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
