She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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