You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
