He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
