Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
