Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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