wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
