Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
