Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
