you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
