Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
