You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize