batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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