Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Life without a bra equals bliss.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
