Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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