I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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