Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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