on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just found a bag of teeth...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
