We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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