I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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