I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
