I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
