im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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