The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
