Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize