That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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