Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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