i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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