My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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