tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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