having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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