friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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