Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
