Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
