I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize