I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
