alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize