It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
