We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
