hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
