Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
