Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Someone signed my nipple.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
