Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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