I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
