and you said cock pushups were impossible
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
