we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
