yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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