Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
