Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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