my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
