My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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