I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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