But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Apparently you make a good broom.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
