I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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