He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
