that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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